The worst kind of separation, however, would be to feel abandoned by God. Thanks to His mercy, I am spared this one. I am being granted its opposite. This very connection is the only solace that helps me steer safely through this challenging time of daily 'deaths'.
That does not mean that I do not feel the urge to cry or give voice to my being angry. It does, however, mean that I realise each day anew what precious and unparalleled gift that is: God's mercy. No matter how much I may struggle, by the end of the day, I always find myself able to reflect that I did manage to cope, and that I did not fall in despair. More than that: I have come to understand that the beauty of life lies in passing precisely these moments with grace and faith.
But, what follows death? Life, of course! It always does. Hence, my programme ends where it had started. For I do not know what may await me as a new day springs...